Germany or Bust

Almost 20 years ago, the moment my daughter, Indiana Noel was born, I began dreaming about bringing her to Germany and showing her where her dad (whom she would never meet) and I lived, laughed and grew for five years of our young marriage, before a car accident took his life. I dreamed of showing her the apartments that we lived in, the friends we loved, the gyms that he shot that perfect 3 pointer in, night after night…It seemed to be coming together perfectly when she applied and was accepted to a Discipleship Training School with YWAM in Nuernberg, Germany.

In the year prior to her departure for Germany, she managed to put some wedges in a few relationships through a time of searching for her identity. One of those relationships was with her dad who loved and raised her from the time just prior to her turning two years old. So, as you can imagine, when I started talking about meeting Indiana in Germany after her school and outreach was over, it was a real sore conversation for him. He asked me not to consider going unless and until there was reconciliation between the two of them. I was crushed by this request of his and had already been agonizing in prayer over the state of their relationship, but wasn’t seeing any change. When I would pray specifically about the trip there came a point where I felt a complete peace that the trip was going to take place. That meant only one of two things, either there was going to be reconciliation between Indiana and her dad or I was going to choose to go without his blessing. The first excited me, the latter only brought confusion.

I wish I could say that for the whole time I was considering the trip I trusted God that He would bring about that impossible reconciliation. But I wavered from day to day, trusting Him, then questioning Him. About two months before the trip was supposed to happen, God gave me that peace that He would bring about the reconciliation. However, the waiting was excruciating. When I felt that the timing was down to the wire to purchase my ticket, I began praying and fasting and expecting God to move. Two days into the praying and fasting, Indiana called. The timing of it was perfect as she and her dad were having trouble connecting on their phones and he happened to be working at home that day, so I could give him my phone. As they talked, I heard apologies and forgiveness and desires to do better. Indiana had had several experiences that brought her to a real place of knowing her identity was in Christ and in nothing else. That knowledge changed everything in her.

As with all difficult things in life, had I known the outcome ahead of time, I would have rested in that and just waited for God to move. But, He rarely let’s us see the end result before the time is right. Oh, that I would remember this story and the many others from my own life, from the lives of those around me, and from history, every time I’m tempted to doubt that my all-powerful Heavenly Father is at work on my behalf because of His great love for me. These days as we see and experience so much hatred and so many difficult relationships all around us, knowing there is one place where I’m perfectly loved, completely known is my resting place.