A Good Broken

While meeting with my mentor the other day I mentioned to her that it feels like I’ve learned a lot over the last 19 years since my first husband died, but it has come through brokenness. I asked her if I’m just a really stubborn person that has to be broken in order to grow and others just grow through quietly submitting their lives. She contended that everyone has to be broken at various times in our lives in order to grow. What I know of the Bible  agrees with her assessment.

I’ve often wondered what is meant by “dividing spirit and soul” in Hebrews 4:12. I read a book this weekend called The Release of the Spirit by Watchman Nee. He believes that the spirit refers to the Holy Spirit living inside us in unity with our spirit and the soul is our flesh. His picture of that division is of the wheat seed (our flesh) that needs to be broken open in order for the wheat (Holy Spirit) to grow (John 12:24). There’s that word that we all love to hate, “broken”. With brokenness comes pain. None of us like to experience pain, but a lot of us want to be mature, strong, and wise people that impact others. Sometimes the only way that we become mature, strong and wise is by being broken. In our brokenness is where God can shine through us to impact others. Less of me and my own selfish desires means more of Him and His love shining through me to minister to others.

I remember as a teenager praying for wisdom to come in my old age. I prayed that I would be an older woman that would not mock the younger generation, but that I would mentor younger women, encourage and love them. Back then I did not know the price that I would have to pay for God to do that in me, today I am thankful for that. I continue to pray those same prayers, knowing that it means more brokenness for me. Jesus suffered and gave His life for me, I gladly join with Him in that suffering knowing that my selfish desires amount to nothing in the grand scheme of things.